so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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