one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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