And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have post one night stand depression
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
