Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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