i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
