he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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