I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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