Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
