i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
