Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
