Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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