The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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