what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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