Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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