no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
