At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
do herpes really smell.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
