Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
