Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
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She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
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the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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