if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
