Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
