Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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