He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
