I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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