wrigley field is MILF paradise
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
