we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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