Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
