I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
