Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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