My nipple is on Facebook.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
