ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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