Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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