i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
