To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
