Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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