Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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