Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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