dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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