This girl is more easily done than said...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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