This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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