STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
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Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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