NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
