it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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