so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.