my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.