Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother