even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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