i need an iv and a liver transplant
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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