About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
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