Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
