You just made me feel so damn special
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
