She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
