He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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