Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
