Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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