Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
