I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
