sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
