I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
