am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he high fived his dick after we had sex
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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