I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
People in love make me want to vomit
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
