I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
