you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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