he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
