Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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