I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Holy sore nipples Batman
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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