Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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