You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
