you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
