The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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